Living with Fear




            Since I have come back from Florence three things have become apparent. The first is that I now think of myself as pretty that has not happened in almost ten years. The second is that I still have a lot of work to do still on how I view myself and allow others to sway my feeling of worth. The third, and something I will always struggle with is living with fear.
            Living with fear is hard. REALLY hard. For instance, I just had a small panic attack at 11pm because I felt afraid of dying due to a small bump. So, being an adult with a level head, I went to my mom, woke her up, and had her reassure me that I was going to be okay. Now reader, this might not be healthy or even sane; but, was the only thing my brain could think of. This is what a crazy person does, or would do if they lived with their mother for a summer before College.
Fear became a vice around my heart replaying every horrible memory and leading me to feel horrible. I might be better adjusted since I came back, but I clearly have more work to do. Fear should be something to work with, like a wild animal that one can co-exist with and accept as being present. It should not tear your head off because that would be bad and would make living very hard. Fear is something that helps someone survive but can also become a burden that turns a perfectly fine night into a stomach twisty mess. Hopefully, with time and acceptance, I can figure out how to let Fear not take over but instead to co-exist.


More posts to come on the happier stuff.

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